Thursday, July 21, 2011

A Red Box Nation

Just the other day was the first time that I actually used Redbox. Now, before you say anything, I KNOW I'm out of the loop for just trying it, but (hey!) I was a little skeptical about how it would all work. You ask how I was skeptical? Well, I guess I'll just have to list my reasons. Starting with number one:

#1 You have to use your credit card. (As previously mentioned) I'm sure that's enough for many to turn away!

#2 How do new DVDs get in there!? I was having a brief talk with my brother about this particular point, and I suggested that maybe it's like a pop machine, whereas vendors come and restock it periodically (as in every Tuesday when a new batch of DVDs come out.) I doubted this theory quickly though and now firmaly believe that Abby Cadabby, that wretched new character on Sesame Street that's sabatoging my ol' frands Rosita and Elmo, must be restocking the machine with her magic wand.

#3 You can take a DVD from one Redbox and return it at ANOTHER Redbox. Okay, I know that each DVD has a little barcode on it, and I'm sure that they can keep track of them, but what if an influx of Texans stop at an Iowa Redbox and rent out all the Little Rascals DVDs!? Will there ever be Little Rascals in that Iowa Redbox again!? (Cue melodramatic music as I begin to sob.) And THEN, there will be a huge number of Little Rascals DVDs in Texas! Do people in Texas even LIKE Little Rascals? Or are they just punishing the Iowans? Dear Abby, please help!
***Sidenote:  The movie Little Rascals is used as a base for any movie anywhere. I do not know and really do not care if Texans or Iowans love the movie or not. Plus, it's too old to be in a Redbox anyway. (which brings me to my next point.)

#4 They only offer NEW movies! That's right! NEW MOVIES! I haven't really decided if this is necessarily a good or bad thing. Here are a few questions I must ask on this topic:  How many of each new movie are in the Redbox? Is there a certain number based on box office ratings? How many DVDs in all can fit in a Redbox? When Texans take Iowans' DVDs, is the Redbox refilled by a one Abby Cadabby? Once a movie is more than six weeks old... (continued on the next point)

#5 What does Abby Cadabby do with the DVDs once they aren't needed anymore? Obviously, there's only so much room in that red box, and unless it's like Mary Poppins's bag (which it's not), there would not be enough room for decades and decades worth of DVDs! I cannot come up with an answer for what happens next. Are the used and six-weeks-old DVDs given to daycares around the U.S. for young children to enjoy? If so, what is their review on the movie Nightmare on Elm Street?

And thus concludes my inquiries on the intentions of Redbox. I've heard the saying, "Ignorance is bliss." Although I believe that this is an ignorant phrase (haha), I also believe some things really aren't worth researching to such a depth. Maybe someday I'll find out. But 'til then.

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