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Friday, September 16, 2011

Lunch With Cinna by Russell!!!

I don't know why I've held off posting this for this long, but here we go!

Okay. So there's this website/blog called Fictional Foods. I hyperlinked it for you. Anyway, I found it one day in July while I was just surfin' the web. You know how I do. And I stumbled upon this page called "Lunch with Cinna." (That's also hyperlinked.) WHAT?! Book inspired food!? Rather... HUNGER GAMES INSPIRED FOOD!!!!!!!!!?????? Because I'm majorly obsessed with HG, which you may know, I simply had to make it. I promptly printed off the recipe and stuck it on my piano, which is like my junk drawer. Except open for public viewing.

This is what it's supposed to look like. Doesn't it look glorious?!

About three weeks later, I finally got around to it. After checking the cupboards of my house, I found that I had almost everything. The lame cheapskate that I am decided that I didn't need to make the side dishes. I only needed to make the main meal, which is a creamy sauce with chicken and orange chunks in it over a bed of rice. (Look on the previously mentioned website for the passage from the book. It gives a description.)

Make rice, parboil chicken, add orange chucks, add whipping cream, add milk, thicken to desired consistency. Sounds easy, right?  If you answered "yes," you are sorely mistaken. Now, I can follow a recipe. What I lack is experience. And actually, the end result looked quite delicious. I almost died of joydum (Is that a word?) when I added the whipping cream and milk to the sauce. It smelled like asian chicken alfredo sauce. Delicious.

And so I ended up with this.


Maybe I shouldn't have used mandarin oranges instead of orange chunks... they broke apart all in there. It looks incredibly delectable, considering. At least I thought so...  Come to think of it, when I started dry heaving vomit when I smelled the finished sauce, I should've stopped. "This has all gone wrong!" I thought... (or yelled). And oh yeah. Those are peas on top of it. Who's too cheap to buy parsley? "Oohh! Oohh!" *I bounce up and down on an exercise ball and point at myself.

And so I took a spoon. Where was I going to approach it? Oh. I forgot to take pictures. So I did that, then I dug in. I took a bit of the bed of rice with a chicken chunk coated with thickened sauce. To tell the truth, I felt like Julia Child. Bon appetit! And I tasted the most brilliant recipe ever. AndeveryonelivedhappilyeverafterTheEnd.

---- (You don't have to read the rest of this. But if you do, remember that I should receive an A for effort, 'kay?) ----

MORE LIKE FIRE IN THE HOLE! I ran over to our garbage can and hocked it straight into there. Then, I tried vainly to scrub the taste off my tongue. It felt like somebody puked in my mouth! Shortly thereafter, I ran to the faucet and started chugging down gallons of water and spitting them back up. Yuck, Yuck, Yuck, Yuck!

After, I sat down to eat a bowl of peas I made as a side. How quickly it had turned into the main meal... Then I paced back and forth trying to decide what to do with it. Just then, my brother came in the door.

"Hi! What's that?"
"Nothing."
"Are you going to eat it?"
"No."
"Can I have some?"
"Go ahead."

Okay. I'm not that mean. I stopped him eventually. And, by the way, he hated it too. (Which is kind of a shame because maybe it was one of those things that I just can't taste but other people really like it.)

This experience was one of two things:  a weird recipe that tastes like wonky puke OR an I-can't-cook-to-save-my-life kind of deal.

I'd like a side of humility with a bowlful of peas, please. Order's up!

'Til next time!

1 comment:

  1. Oh my gosh I am laughing so hard at this. No joke. XD "Fire in the Hole!" HAHAHAHAHA!!!!! Oh man.... Fortunately my attempt turned out better. The sauce on its own did taste pukish but once it was eaten with the fruit, chicken, and rice it was actually pretty good! :)

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